How to empower kids using a few simple words

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

What’s the difference between telling a child “you are stupid” and “you did something stupid”? They sound similar but it turns out the the recipient receives them totally differently.

 

The second one “you did something stupid” actually contains the most powerful message we can give to anyone, including ourselves.  It says “you did” something. Which is a choice of action. The “you” is the boss. She can choose the next time to do the same thing (i.e. stupid thing), or another, more awesome and positive, generous thing.

 

It empowers growth.

 

The first one, “You are stupid” tells a story that there is something “wrong” with you. You need outside help. And it also tells the story that you have no control over your “stupidity”. It comes from “on high” perhaps. Genetics perhaps. But the main message is that “you are stupid” so that’s what you are.  Either get outside help, pray or just continue “being stupid”.

 

The second one, “You did something stupid”. Wow that’s a beautifully empowering message. It says you are your own boss. You can change things by choosing to do something different next time.

 

It turns out that when we are told that we are our own boss, we take responsibility for our thoughts, speech and actions and we feel empowered. So the next time when we have to tell a kid that he has the power to change any of his thoughts, speech and actions, we better use the right one.

 

When chosen right, our words can empower and encourage someone to be his own boss, be his own therapist and his “behaviour” take a turn for the better.