Thank you “worry”, for coming to see me.
Photo by Ali Yahya on Unsplash
Yesterday, a good friend of mine asked me to write about “worry”. I am not sure what expertise or qualification I have to write about this subject but I can say that for me, from personal experience, I can immediately think of two characteristics of “worry”.
We can all agree about one thing. Worry is about the future. We don’t worry about something that has already happened. We only worry about something that might happen, in the future. It hasn’t come yet!
It’s experiencing failure in advance
It’s tempting to say that It’s like a monster. The more we don’t want it and try to run away from it,, the bigger it expands. And it will chase us to the end of the world.
Like all negative emotions, if we deny it, do everything to avoid it, or try to repress it, “worry” is not going to rest calmly and obediently. It’s going to expand somehow and eventually engulf us and burn us like an inferno.
If, however, we welcome it, look at it with empathy and embrace it, hold it tenderly in our arms like our own baby, and take the initiative with our inner speech and giving a soothing inner talk back to the “worry”, as worry is the child of our own inner talk exaggerating. The worry will surely and eventually be soothed, calmed down and become a dear friend.
The “monster” shrinks. And stops being a monster. It becomes a beloved cuddly baby.
The opposite of worry arises. It’s no longer a rejection of worry. It is a full acceptance and allowing every flow of every emotion to come along without fighting against it or feeling resistant. We can then acknowledge whatever we are feeling, validate it and see it for what it is without judgement.
Then we can do the most compassionate thing to ourselves. Ask the question: “what can I do about the cause of the worry?”
What action to take now? The past has gone and the future has not come yet. Action now will focus our mind on the present moment and help us touch the miracle of life in the present moment. For only action in the present will change the future.
Worry will still be there. But it will no longer be the huge burden that it was. It might even shrink to the size of a sesame when we are thankful to the miracle of being alive in the present and have the mind to look deeply at the worry with tender love.
I am curious, what is the opposite of “worry”? Is it “mindfulness”? If it is, then it is a practice, a daily practice which is learnable and trainable. That’s greatly hopeful for all of us.